Hour Lost, Faith Gained

Hey Kids,

Ever had your day all of a sudden go crappy and then just as quickly turn back right?

I had left work at 2:30, a benefit for arriving early that morning. I had worked my 8 hours but it still seemed like cheating to leave so early.

I used my bus pass to tag off of the bus downtown. It’s all habit now. Pull the pass out of the plastic sleeve attached to the lanyard, wait for the bus to come to a complete stop, hold the pass to the little box, wait for the green light, and disembark.

I slipped the pass back into the sleeve as I eyed down the street to see if I needed to hot foot it to the stop just 100 feet ahead. Remember I don’t run for buses, at least not anymore.

No bus. I had time. I stepped back away from the sidewalk to let people pass while I waited. I checked my bus tracker. The bus was only a few blocks away. I checked my email.id lost

The bus pulled up, I stepped towards the open door, reached for the pass and it’s gone. Only the empty hook at the end of the lanyard remained. No pass, no ID, no plastic sleeve.

I wave the bus off as I franticly search all the pockets on my winter coat. Nothing. I stepped the few hundred feet back to where I used the pass to get off the last bus. Nothing. It was gone, gone, gone.

I searched my pockets again and again. The phone rang. I ignored it. The next bus arrived. I paid the $3 for the ride home. Mulling over how crappy it is to pay for the bus for which I owned a pass, the $25 I would need to pay to replace my ID badge, and the fact that I would have to pay another $3 to ride the bus tomorrow morning to get my new pass. It really killed the joy of leaving early.

I noticed that my phone flashed that the caller had left a voice mail. Who leaves voice mail anymore? I listened anyway. The caller had been a gentleman who had found my pass and called to see if he could get it back to me.

I pulled the cord for the next stop and returned the call. He said he would leave the pass and ID with the receptionist on the 13th floor at the building he had been working, the same building located on the corner where I knew I had lost the badges.

The office was beautiful. Glass walls and conference rooms with meetings being held. The receptionist sat behind a gigantic desk. I thought places like this only exisited in movies. I introduced myself and she compared me to the image on the ID. Yeah, that’s what I used to look like, ha ha.

All had been restored, minus the hour of extra time searching, u-turning on the bus, and the long elevator ride to the 13th floor.

There are good people out there. There are good things that still happen. An hour spent learning this was an hour well spent.

 

Day 331

Storm Signs

Hey Kids,

It’s easy to know when a big storm is coming to the Salt Lake Valley area.

The temperature warms and the wind blows from the south. Not a little breeze but a day of forceful, gusty, powerful wind.260

It’s not hard to put it together.

And yet there are many who do not.

Many will wake up surprised that the temperatures have turned cold.

Life like approaching storms, brings with them signs.

Watch for them.

 

Day 330

Sham and a Cat

Hey Kids,

Moments of importance come disguised as life. Memories are the distilled essence of these moments. How we let these memories affect us is up to us.

We have decided to adopt a cat. An older cat that has been left alone and spends her days crying in her room for the people passing by to pay her a visit. It works, but she needs a home with people. We must wait until a few procedural things are completed but it once finished, she’s coming home to live with us.

The thought of adopting a 9-year-old cat causes me some worry. It will not be too far off before, after assuredly becoming emotionally attached, we will be saying good bye.

sham and cat

(Actor recreation)

Years ago, as a young boy, I woke early to watch my weekly dose of cartoons while everyone else slept, my usual routine for Saturday morning. It also included the consumption of at least one bowl of cereal with at least 3 spoonfuls of sugar more than my mother would’ve allowed had she supervised its preparation.

This morning, my father was already up; not especially unusual but less usual than normal than my routine. I ventured out to the garage where he made the noises of being engaged in some activity.

I opened the door from the kitchen to the garage. Dad had our family Sheppard mix, Sham, on a leash. The garage door was opened and the truck with camper backed up to it. He was guiding the dog to the open door of the camper. The dog wagged his tail at my appearance. Dad didn’t seemed as pleased to be discovered.

Sham had been around for as long as I could remember. So had dad. But I didn’t recall ever seeing them spend one-on-one time together and especially not on an early Saturday morning.

I asked him what he was doing and he told me that he needed to take the dog somewhere.

I didn’t quite understand. But I requested to come along. He agreed with a command of “as long as you don’t cry”. I thought it an odd condition.

He loaded the dog into the camper. I requested to ride in the back with the dog. He agreed. I realized sometime during that ride what the nature of this task was to be. We were taking Sham to the pound.

I hugged Sham tight. I cried. I felt the dog already knew the reality of the situation but held stoic for me. He had always protected us kids like that. He gave my face a lick. I normally didn’t like it, but it was ok this time.

I wiped my eyes and made sure not to cry when the truck came to a stop. I do not remember going in but I remember riding home in the cab. No words were shared during the drive. Nor tears.

The truck pulled in the drive and my father placed it in park and set the parking brake. “Don’t tell anyone,” he said.

I immediately told my sisters when they got up. And the secret, that I can’t imagine would ever been able to be kept, ended. As time moved forwarded, the explanation of Sham being sick became the reason. The secret drive in the morning, the easiest way to deal with young hearts that wouldn’t understand.

I remember a few things of Sham. I remember feeding him nightly. I had to open the cans of dog food and fill his bowl of water from the tap. I remember sitting on the front lawn and lying against him. I remember his eye brows of light colored fur. It gave the impression of always smiling, happy to see me and my sisters. And I remember hugging him that day in the camper.

Whenever I think of getting a pet, it’s that last thought that always makes he hold back. I heard it said once that a pet is a heartache waiting to happen.

But like all things in life, if we hide from all the possible pain, we’ll miss life.

Despite the way my relationship with Sham ended, I’m looking forward to welcoming Lady Pipkin Marigold to the Jensen household. I’ll worry about how it ends when it does. In the meantime I’ll enjoy the purrs in between.

 

Day 329

Phone Blues

Hey kids,

For the second time.within a year I dropped my phone and shattered the glass.

The first time was a fluke but this second time I asked for it.

The lesson: keep the promises you make to yourself.

A long time ago I promised to never run for a bus. I swore I would never degrade myself to be one of those people chasing down a bus, running along side, or banging on the side begging for the door to be opened.

I most definitely would not be the one running like a beggar running across a patking lot, despritly trying to flag down an approaching bus, like a dog begging for a scrap of meat fat fron the dinner table.

But I did this morning and out of my pocket flopped the phone and onto the cold asphalt, face down.

It still works but the lesson was not lost. Never run for buses, they are not worth it.

Ever.

 

Day 325

The First Car

Hey Kids,

My step son got his first car.

He brought it over to show us today. A 1991 Chevrolet Cavalier.10583977_1007545462639575_4287510148877560909_n (1)

It looks, rides, runs like a first car does for a 17 year old; a little on the rough side. But I don’t think he could’ve been more proud. His mother as well.

It makes me think of my first car. A late 70’s Camaro. Nothing fancy, nothing powerful, and it definitely would prove to have a few mechanical issues. The odometer read 99,500 miles. And that was back when 100K was the supposed death sentence for a car.

It would keep running until the day I traded it in. Albeit with a repaired tranny, replaced heads, and many hours tuning and fixing all the auxiliary parts and pieces. I even broke the shifter cable and learned to shift gears on the automatic transmission by turning the steering wheel housing. It became natural for me, but it would freak anyone riding with me.

But it was my car and it was my first.

I put a lot of miles on that car. A few road trips and a few tickets. I loved it and it was only the available Corvette that drew me away from it.

I would never buy that car today. I’m too adult, too responsible, too cerebral. The gas mileage would be too low. The insurance cost would be too high. The back seat would be too small and barely bigger than the ridiculous trunk. The high miles would be a concern; a little more than the concern about maintaining the Burgundy paint. There would be no sense to it.

I’m sure glad I wasn’t me back then.

 

Day 321

Be Nice

Hey Kids,

Power.

That thing that inspires some and consumes others.

Even when it’s a big fish in a little pond thing, the quest for power is irresistible.

They must have it. They must be seen by others. They must exert their power over those around them. And they must have praise heaped upon them.

I know one such person.just-be-nice

I find it sad and pathetic.

I also find it annoying.

Why try to make people look bad to bolster your image?

And I wonder if it’s an act of sacrificing others to their own graven image or is it a complete disregard of others, used without acknowledgment of their status of human beings?

I’m not sure which is worse.

People such as this person baffle me.

Don’t be this person. Treat others as you want to be treated. And know, what does it profit you to gain the whole world but lose your soul?

Be nice people. The world needs more of that kind.

 

Day 310

Waiting

Hey Kids,

Yeah, you kids.

You hurt me. I’m sorry to say it but you did.

Like in a bull fight, individual swords do not seem to make much difference, until one does and then they all add up together; so do the decisions to ignore me. The brush off the other day staggered me.

I love you. I’ve never stopped trying to reach out to you. I stupidly listened to the advice given that I needed to take it easy when we first split, that I needed to not insist that you all come with me; the advice proved to be bad advice and I question its motive.

Either way. The more I force, the stronger you resist. The more I backeoff, the further you create distance.

Now, I’m without all of you. One by one, you are turning 18 and cutting me off all together.

My reaction is to stop being so hurt; to stop caring so much. This experience is teaching me apathy for the things I care the most about. It is a lesson I do not want to learn. It is a lesson from your other parent’s handbook.

I love you. I miss you. I hate that I have missed so much of your lives from just beyond the viewing area.

But I wait. I’ll wait and hope forever. Know that I’m around, waiting to hear my name called by you. No foul called, no penance sought; simply call me dad and give me a hug.

I apologize for the public forum. It’s what we have. For now.

Love always,

~dad

 

Day 309