Birthday Week- Tuesday

Hey Kids,

Birthday Week continues into Tuesday and more things worth getting older.

Tuesday- My Kids.

Me and my babies at "our lake"

Me and my babies at “our lake”

I don’t get to see them anymore, at least for now. They’re a big reason why I write this blog (hence “Hey Kids”). I want them know one day who I am, and not who they thought I am or been led to believe I am. I want a history of my thoughts, my daily writings, and my dreams and fears.

I regret not a day in having them. I begrudge not a thing that I couldn’t have because we had to buy diapers, formula, shoes, clothes, and the like.

I don’t pine for a single event I missed because we bought a minivan instead. I loved every minute spent with them and I hurt for every moment I’m now denied.

I’m grateful they, you, are doing well from what I’m told. I’m proud of who you are becoming. And I look forward to waiting this all out and seeing you and my grandkids later on.

I’m happy to know that not a mean thought is spent on you. My arms are open, my heart is longing, and not a minute of my time will be spent seeking recompense. I’m sorry for how you were hurt, but I’m willing to do what I can to ease your pain and gain your forgiveness.

I’m happy to be alive and seemingly in good enough health to keep going for a while. I’m here until God takes me or we find our way back into each other’s lives. Whatever comes first.

My wish is for the later.

 

Day 78

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